


The holy bible of Caecilius

by QuintusEstOptimus



Category: Cambridge Latin Course
Genre: Probably Crack, caecilius is god, salvius sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29473857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuintusEstOptimus/pseuds/QuintusEstOptimus
Summary: In the beginning, there was nothing. And then, Caecilius said unto the world, "let there be light."Then there was light
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	1. The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> long story short me and some friends have created our own religion where Caecilius is god. Here is our unholy bible (:

In the beginning, there was nothing. And then, Caecilius said unto the world, "let there be light." 

Then there was light 

Caecilius then named the light the horto. He created darkness and named it the foro. From this darkness the demon Salvius was born. Salvius descended under the earth and spread his darkness throughout. Whereas, Caecilius raised himself upwards, and spread light above. Then he looked down, and saw a world with nothing. And then Caecilius said "let there be land and let there be sea." And so a great ocean was formed and roman land was built. Caecilius then blessed the land with people and other animals to walk on the holy land. Then, he sent his glory and power to the roman nation, and built the city of pompeii, to which he descendit a part of his soul from the heavens into one of the mortal men. 

And so the mortal form of Caecilius came unto Pompeii, for pompeii was a holy place, the most holy town of creation. He descendit to a luxurious house in pompeii bringing his son quintus with him to fill the body of another man. He then formed his wife Metella out of a lotus blooming in the horto, formed a cook from a shot of vodka, and formed a servant out of the fresh, clean dirt on the ground. Once salvius saw this, he created an evil place in pompeii, which immediatley attracted thousands - the foro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caecilius plants his seeds   
> And for our sins he bleeds   
> He blesses us on our way   
> For everyday we pray   
> Caecilius welcomes us into his garden


	2. in foro

Caecilius was enraged that people were going to the foro, and so he promised the people of the good and light of the horto and what it brings, he called himself an argentarius so he could visit the foro to put an end to its schemes and lies. But Salvius was not contentus, for he wanted his foro to be a place of lies and greed, a place where even the light of the horto could not reach. 

So Caecilius bought a marijouna plant and placed it in his argentarius stall. For the weed was an extension of the holy horto, and so the stall was protected from the darkness of the rest of the foro. And now more people came to the sanctuary of his shop, for they also wanted to buy weed. 

Salvius erat iratus. He wanted his foro to be a place of evil, but he could not defeat the holy light of Caecilius, at least, he could not in a fair fight. So Salvius sent a snake to the villa de Caecilius. The snake bit Metella, and infected her with the evilness of Salvius. 

The newly corrupted Metella was no longer the faithful wife of Caecilius, for a part of Salvius lived inside of her, hating Caecilius. Metella then proceeded to cheat on Caecilius. Nine months after this, she gave birth to another child. But this child was nothing like the great Quintus, for Quintus was son of the great Caecilius. This child was son of the dark Salvius. And this child's name was Alexander the graecus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i wrote the bit about weed :D )


	3. The Antiquintus

Alexander was a bad man, he liked to keep slaves, he insulted the horto, and worst of all- he advertised the foro to many people. Caecilius watched in horror at this satanic child, who was disrespecting the holy land. He knew he had to put an end to this and free his wife. But salvius knew this, and he was prepared. 

In the middle of the night he infected Grumio with an evilness beyond mortal understanding, and whispered in his ear "fight for me, win for me." The next day, Grumio woke up with a desire to go to the foro and see his master. Caecilius noticed the change in his loyal chef and followed him to pure evil. 

When he finally saw him- standing outside a stall talking to a Alexander he knew he had to put an end to this. Caecilius shone his light, washing away the evilness from Grumio and forcing salvius and the Antiquintus to flee to Britain, a land of corruption and darkness. But before Salvius left, he planted a detonator in the one spot Caecilius' power couldn’t reach- Vesuvius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear loving Caecilius, give me the strength to endure the temptations of the foro. The stinky demons have tried to convince me that the horto isn't as amazing as you have said. Please guide my thoughts and actions so that I may walk in your holy and rambunctious path. Help me to become as strong as Grumio's ability to drink shitloads of alcohol. In your holy name I pray, pogchamp


	4. Vesuvius

Vesuvius was a dark and evil place. Even before the detonator was placed in it's depths, it was a beacon of unholiness in the otherwise holy land of Pompeii, for in it's depths the first demon lord, Salvius, was born. 

It was the only place in the holy land of the roman empire that Caecilius could not go to, for all light must have darkness, and all darkness must have light. 

It was here that Salvius created many other lesser demons, such as Syphax and the people of Nuceria. The depths of Vesuvius were unknown, and vast. Salvius' bomb stayed there, counting down the seconds to ruin the holy land, and the people flourishing in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE TEN HORTOS:
> 
> \- PLANT TEN SEEDS TO WORSHIP CAECILIUS AND HIS TEN HORTOS 
> 
> \- PLANT ONE LOTUS TO WORSHIP METELLA AND HER CREATION 
> 
> \- DRINK 6 SHOTS OF VODKA TO WORSHIP THE SIX LETTERS IN GRUMIOS NAME 
> 
> \- BRING FORTH FOUR CHAINS TO WORSHIP MELISSA AND THE FOUR TIMES SHE WAS MENTIONED IN THE TEXTBOOK 
> 
> \- LIGHT 3 FUNERAL PYRES TO WORSHIP CAECILIUS' CREATION, DESCENT TO EARTH, AND RETURN TO THE HEAVENS 
> 
> \- BURY 1 RING TO SIGNIFY CLEMENS' FREEDOM 
> 
> \- STAND IN SILENCE AFTER THE MOURNING TO REPRESENT CERBERUS HONOURING THE LORD 
> 
> \- TOSS FIVE PIECES OF ASH TO REPRESENT QUINTUS "THE FIFTH" 
> 
> \- SLEEP FOR THREE HOURS TO RECOGNISE THE THREE OLD MEN 
> 
> \- MOURN FOR CAECILIUS FOR 24 HOURS TO RECOGNISE YOUR LOYALTY TO HIS SALVATION OF THE LANDS


	5. The Plant

All the while, Caecilius knew nothing of this. He thought the dark Salvius was gone from his land, and he was now more focused on curing his wife, who was having more affairs than ever. For he knew that deep down, the real Metella was still in there. 

He tried remedies of all sort, but nothing would work, until one day- when Caecilius brought forth a marijuana plant in desperation, it instantly worked. Caecilius rejoiced at his once again faithful wife, and blessed the marijuana plant. 

From that day forward it has now been sacrificial to offer one plant to your friends and family on April 20th as that was the day Metella was cured and it is now believed to bring back your loved ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooohhhhh HOLY CaeCiLiUS!  
> We pray to thyyyyy  
> Bless us with pecunia  
> And bless us with vinum


	6. Caecilius Revenit

Caecilius sensed Vesuvius shaking for months, and it was only time until it exploded wiping out his holy land. He'd been trying to stop the tremors but it was inevitable, the only thing he could do was spread the word to his people to flee and those who did not listen he assumed could only be worshippers of the foro. 

He promised to people that he would bless them with everlasting hortos and that he would keep them safe should they listen. But those who didn't he left, it was their own fault for following the foro. And so when Vesuvius erupted, Caecilius stood, watching the bomb blow up, and there was nothing he could do as a wall came down on him. 

Readying his body to ascend to the heavens, he said goodbye to his wife, and son who promised to get revenge on Salvius. But then, his loyal servant Clemens came when he was about to leave, and so Caecilius gave him the ring of immortality, promising Clemens to go and be free, and then ascended to the skies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh holy Caecilius, we thank you for all you have done, and in your name we offer you this holy marijuana plant burned with life essence as an offering. Our hearts are pure, and our souls are cleansed as we use this to ward off the demons Salvius has thrown in our way.   
> Pogchamp.


	7. Quintus' Revenge

Quintus travelled for miles to reach Salvius' base. He travelled with Clemens who always kept fine company ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) on their journey of revenge for their lord. The days were long, but darkness neared everyday as Salvius' place came into view. 

It was the most horrible place to be seen. Foro's everywhere, the people of Rome were being forced to leave their Hortos and were constantly chained and tortured with numerous images of Foro's. Quintus immediateley collapsed at the sight of his people, being so unfairly tortured and trapped. He stood up, and began to work. 

Thousands of miles were dug out in the next few days underground, and pits were disguised as land. Then, millions of marijuana plants were brought through by foreign traders who placed them under the hellhole that was salvius' base. Finally, Clemens brought in seeds and sprinkled ten baskets of seeds over the land, so they could reinforce the power of the horto. 

"let the ruling classes tremble, the people have nothing to lose but their chains" he whispered to the seeds. They immediateley spread their roots far and wide ready for what was about to happen tommorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grumio, the poggest one, give me vodka


	8. Flammae

The next day, Quintus half lifted his torch in the trench and with one fell swoop threw it onto the root, it immediately spread lighting the marijuana and spreading its fumes throughout the cursed land. Upon breathing in the fumes all the people of Salvius' palace were freed from his control. 

Quintus rejoiced as his people surrounded him in warm embrace, and held up the last piece of marijuana in the world, as the rest had been used to extinguish the foro. With this piece, he planted it swiftly into the ground, with a mound of rocks in a circle around the plant. This plant spread its roots and soon it blossomed and flourished into the earth, spreading its nutrients and protection throughout. 

To this day, Quintus assigned a loyal angel, Rufilla to guard Salvius and stop his evil plots, while also stopping him from spreading the foros roots. Quintus then sent a guard to the holy marijuana plant, and her name was Poppaea, who you can still find to this day in the ruins of the palace, guarding the sacred plant, whose roots protect the people of this world. As for Quintus, he swiftly returned up to heaven when he saw fit, and spread his light and warm embrace to those who needed it.

Finis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caecilius can swim  
> Which is why we shall sacrifice the weaklings to him  
> Their blood will spill  
> And his wishes we fulfill  
> Killing away the demons  
> We have our reasons


End file.
